


even when I don't see it

by lostintranslaation



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Christianity, Gen, Mentioned Ben Parker, Peter Parker Gets a Hug, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, from God
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:34:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22887142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostintranslaation/pseuds/lostintranslaation
Summary: Why? Why would God let everything that had happened happen? To ‘shine through Peter’s brokenness’? Peter had been through more than anyone should ever have to go through. Peter didn’t want to be shone through! He just wanted to have his parents and Ben back. He would trade his Spider-Man powers to have his family back, if given the opportunity. He missed them.OrAround the four-year anniversary of Ben's death, Peter decides to go with May to church for the first time after Ben died.Title is from "Way Maker" by Leeland.
Relationships: May Parker (Spider-Man) & Peter Parker
Comments: 10
Kudos: 17





	even when I don't see it

**Author's Note:**

> Hi I'm Aly and my hobbies include writing uber-specific fanfics because I enjoy it.

The metal folding chair was cold and Peter leaned forward to have as little of himself touching the seat as possible. It had been four years since Peter had been to church. He’d stopped going when--

“Alright everybody, you can go ‘head and greet your neighbors and have a seat.” The band played exit music and a friendly chatter rose in the building. May sat down next to Peter and put her arm around his shoulders. There was a silent solemnity between the two. A certain comradery of ‘we went through things nobody should have to go through’. There always was. But the bond was especially strong that day.

“I’m really glad you decided to come with me today,” she leaned over closer to his ear. He offered a tight-lipped smile.  _ He _ wasn’t glad that he decided to come. He guessed that he was just feeling sentimental when May had asked him if he wanted to come with her. The anniversary of Ben’s death was that weekend. Him and May and Ben always went to church together back when he was still alive. 

“How’re you folks doin’?” An older woman approached May and Peter. Peter had opted to sit in the back row of the church, and May happily obliged, just content to have Peter back with her after so long.

“Maria, good to see you!” May stood up and gave the woman a hug.

“May, I didn’t realize it was you way back here! You usually sit up in the front!”

“Yeah, well Peter’s here with me today, and the front row isn’t really his cup of tea,” she chuckled and Maria looked over at Peter and smiled. 

“So you’re Peter,” he stood up and offered his hand to shake, but she pulled him into a bone-crushing hug instead. “I’ve heard so much about you! So good to have you here today.” The band crashed out and the lights dimmed. “Looks like it’s starting,” she turned back to May, “I’ll catch up with you after service!”

“Okay Maria, I’ll find you after,” May and Peter sat back down and the preacher walked on stage and turned on his mic.

“Hey everyone, it is  _ great _ to see you all on this fine morning.” This elicited a familiar murmur from the crowd and Peter looked around, feeling extremely out of his element. He didn’t know why he was even here. He’d given up on God a long time ago. He had no reason to believe anymore. If there even was a higher power, whoever it was must absolutely hate Peter’s guts. If anything, Peter decided, it was mutual. 

“If you’ve brought your Bibles today, why don’t you go ahead and open up to the book of  _ 2 Corinthians _ chapter 11.” The sounds of people flipping through the delicate pages of their books filled the room and the preacher continued. “Today we’re going to be looking at verses 16-33. I could do an entire series on this one passage, but I’m really gonna be focusing in on verse 30.  _ ‘If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness.’ _ ” he let the sentence hang in the air for a moment. “How powerful is that?” Peter remembered this story from back when he was younger, but he never really understood it. Boast of your weaknesses? He leaned back and rested his ankle on his knee. 

“At this point in the story, Paul, who’s speaking, has been beaten, chased, starved, even caught in a shipwreck on a boat full of prisoners. And in those situations, where most of us would have given up, blamed God for everything wrong in our lives, Paul realized that, in those times of difficulty, he was not alone. God never left him. And those difficulties became the outlet through which he could reach other people for Christ.” Peter’s cheeks burned and he folded his arms over his chest. God never left Paul, through all that? So why did he abandon Peter? Sure, maybe Peter wasn’t the perfect kid, but he never did anything  _ really _ bad. What did he do to deserve this life of his?

“And that’s what I think you all need to understand as well.” The preacher leaned back on the stool he’d brought up there with him. “God hasn’t left you, either. You might feel like you’re all alone, but you’re not. God’s with you, and he’s holding your hand through whatever problems you have, even if you can’t feel it.” Peter shuddered as chills ran through his body. May rested her hand on his knee to stop it from bouncing. Peter didn’t even realize that he’d been doing that. 

“When you’re going through the difficulties of life, and you have no idea how you can continue to hold yourself together, you can rest assured knowing that you don’t have to. God will be the glue that holds together your broken pieces, if you let him. And that brings us back to boasting about your weaknesses. Now, why on earth would a person  _ boast _ about their  _ weaknesses _ ?” The crowd chuckled. “Here’s why: in situations where people can see your human limitations, your weaknesses, God can come in and close the gap.  _ Matthew _ 5, verses 15 and 16 say,  _ ‘Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others , that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.’ _ God can shine through your brokenness if you let Him, ladies and gentlemen,” the crowd clapped for a moment and then the noise died back down again. 

“When we are vulnerable with God, that is when he can do the most work in our lives. And along with the vulnerability towards God, there also comes vulnerability towards others, allowing the light inside of you that is the Holy Spirit to be seen.  _ That’s _ why we boast about our weaknesses. Because our weaknesses are where God can fortify us, make us strong again.” He paused for a moment and the keyboardist came back up to play a few chords. “Actually, I’m gonna invite the rest of the band back up here to sing another song, and I want you all to focus in on the words of this one.  _ ‘Even when I don’t see it, you’re working. Even when I don’t feel it, you’re working. You never stop working.’ _ ” 

As the rest of the band came back up, Peter stewed in his seat. Why? Why would God let everything that had happened happen? To ‘shine through Peter’s brokenness’? Peter had been through more than anyone should ever have to go through. Peter didn’t want to be shone through! He just wanted to have his parents and Ben back. He would trade his Spider-Man powers to have his family back, if given the opportunity. He  _ missed _ them. 

_ “Even when I don’t see it, you’re working. Even when I don’t feel it, you’re working. You never stop, never stop working.” _ The lead vocalist raised her hand and swayed on her feet to the rhythm of the song. People started raising to their feet as the song continued, but Peter stayed glued to his seat. 

“Can we just appreciate that this morning?” The woman spoke as the music continued behind her voice, the other members in the congregation clapping at her words. “As we go on singing this song, why don’t you all just speak out to God, tell Him your praise in your own words. Pray to Him, talk to Him like you would talk to your best friend. He wants to hear from you. He wants to hear about your life, about your problems, even if they’re small.”

_ “Even when I don’t see it, you’re working. Even when I don’t feel it, you’re working. You never stop, never stop working.” _

“God?” Peter’s voice was detached from his body. “What the he--” he caught himself, “heck, man? Why?” Tears welled in his eyes and blurred his vision and he leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees and stare at the ground. His tears made the concrete beneath him glisten. “Why me? You could have- you could have chosen anybody else to go through all this, so why me? I didn’t ask for any of this!” His words were almost drowned out by the music before they reached his ears. Almost. 

Peter’s breath hitched and he paused for a moment, the words of the song still resonating in his ears.  _ “Even when I don’t see it, you’re working. Even when I don’t feel it, you’re working. You never stop, you never stop working.” _ The sound swirled around Peter, but he was an island, remaining unaffected and unchanged with each passing wave. 

“If you  _ really  _ care about me, then you would at least listen to me,” Peter rubbed his eyes and he tried to breathe deeply, to settle into a normal rhythm again.

**_I am with you always, even to the end of the age._ **

Chills flooded Peter’s body and he sat up straighter in his seat. The never-ending stream of thoughts flowing through Peter’s brain calmed and all he could do was sit there. 

**_I am with you always, even to the end of the age._ **

The line returned and Peter couldn’t stop a genuine smile from spreading across his face. All the anxiety that had left his chest tight and his breathing shallow was gone now and Peter felt like someone had lifted a weight from his shoulders.

He hadn’t thought of that verse in years. He’d memorized it when he was in Sunday school, but if someone would have asked him to recite that verse for them, he wouldn’t have even had a clue what it was. 

The song ended and the members of the church picked up their belongings and walked out of the main doors at the back of the church, but May sat back down next to Peter. 

“What’d you think?” She put her hand on his shoulder.

Peter smiled and looked over at her with bleary eyes, “It was good.” But ‘good’ didn’t quite describe how the service had left Peter feeling; what Peter felt most in that moment was confusion. Maybe God hadn’t left him after all. Maybe God didn’t hate him. Maybe all of his suffering hadn’t been for nothing.

Him and May stood up and wandered out of the church, and Peter turned back, taking another look at the building. 

Maybe he will come back next week. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! If you have any questions or comments, let me know:) I always love interacting with you guys <3


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